' i can see you have passion in nursing'

Sanisah said to me today.we have a very long conversation in the ward today(about 3 hours), and the topic involved varies.from nursing diagnosis to holistic care meaning, how we're too focus on the outcome (outcome oriented), satisfaction during studying in IIUM, politics, ikhlas, nursing future, and many more. i think this is the 1st time i dare to ask questions that i really want to know from her: what is the difference between islamic input in IIUM and UKM. she said that she can feel the difference, especially when she was from a technical school who further study in UKM(which she stated as secular). then she said that i have the passion in nursing, while a colleuge of mine did not. me, myself, do not know the truth of this. i just want to do the best.i try to live in people's expectation. and also i do not want any regration later. if i do my best, insyaAllah, Allah give my a good outcome. also, i always jealous with non-muslims' hard effort, and i feel that i (who do a good things), should work harder. however, my hard work is not 'hard' enough this days.i still have much free time that i ignore. may Allah bless me. make me an ikhlas person, who can give benefit to others......

dementia, melupakan, dan pelupa?

PELUPA
menurut kajian yg aku baca, memory akan dsimpan jika ia adalah benda yg ada kepentingan dri segi emosional, atau pun adakh ia benda baru. kalu dah ada memori ttg 1 benda tu, memory tu akan di buang. banyak sgt benda yg aku terlupa.try tanya wedding date sorng close friend aku.hmmm...bln 5, tapi brapa haribulan ye? mcm dah tgk kad tu berulang kali. tanya pulak birthday close friend aku yg 1 lagi pulak....bulan 1, 21 kot...eh, ntah, xpasti.2 tahun lepas dia dah merajuk sbb aku lupa birth date dia, tapi next year nya aku still lupa! adakah aku terlupa sbb aku tak menganggapnya penting? tak berniat sbnrnya, tp aku btol2 LUPA! birthday ayah dan adik aku pun aku masih keliru walaupun at a point aku memaksa diri mengingatinya dgn menyebutnya berulang kali! baru2 ni aku bgtau due date labor kawan aku kat hidayah, then the next day, hidayah tanya balik date tu.tp aku....LUPA!, walaupun baru menyebutnya sehari sebelum kpd org lain.kerana kelupaan aku ni, perasan jg yg sstgah org xrely on aku kalu nak tanya apa2 fact, especially pasal tarikh2 ni.baru2 ni sorg junior tnya aku' bila tarikh grad?' -aku jwb takat yg aku tau je la.then dia kata lbh kurang-'ooo.k.mas mmg gini.x alert benda2 cam gini" sentap.aku bkn x alert, tp aku lupa tros apa yg aku pernah tahu.nak buat mcm na.menurt kajian ni, org yg ingat benda2 even yg kecil2/sampingan slalunya kurang daya pemikiran abstraknya.hehe...adakah aku insan yg bisa mmbaca makna dsebalik sesuatu tp dlm masa sama melupakan perkara2 sampingan?

MELUPAKAN
banyak benda jg yg aku nak lupakan. benda2 memalukn yg aku pernah buat. benda menyakitkan. time dzalimi.benda yg blh triggerkan kebencian.mengingati benda2 ni membuatkn aku jd lemah. rasa diri sgt teruk di mata manusia, walaupun benda yg tak berdosa. tp ssh nak lupakan benda sebegini.KENAPA!

DEMENTIA
ayah aku dah tua. lahir tahun 1949.sejak dia kena serangan jntung, memory dia smkin teruk.pernah dia trsesat masa nak balik kg sendiri.nasib baik dia tak berseorangan. rasanya dia mmg x ingat pun besday kami adik beradik, trmasuk mak aku.kalau minta beli brg dapur, ada sj yg trtinggal.slalu je lupa pen yg slalu dia guna untuk buat teka silang kata dletak dmana. jenuh kami seisi rumah mncari merata2-;>). ayah oh ayah.kami syg ayah tapi.benarlah ayat quran yg mengatakn yg bila dah tua, kita akan dkembalikan semula mcm budak2. mgkin dah tiba masanya.

The nak'd truth- what is the truth?

While reading and checking my e mel juz now, i came across an e mel titled 'peserta realiti bogel diperkenalkan-tanda2 akhir zaman'. i was shocked, i know that people of the world (particularly the 'white men') have gone crazy long time ago and have a very high attraction and great concern towards anything about nudity and sex, but this is too insane! i dont want to talk much about a topic that me, myself are embarrasse enough to tell, but you can googling with keyword of 'the nak'd truth reality show'. it is about a reality show where 7 people living together nakedly for 30 days.what the hell!

The one that hosted the show was asked why she want to be on the show- she replied this- 'It’s definitely to help get younger people involved and to come out, The second goal is to explain to the population what nudism is, that we’re just the same as anyone else. Just because we like to live without clothes on doesn’t mean we're perverts."

What i/you should do?
the show was conducted in an America's resort, last year if i'm not mistaken. so what we can do?
start with yourself, and dont forget to advice those near you. give a good example, a proper one, dont be too strict or too loose, after all, it start with yourself, if u dont show good example, people wont listen. plus, give people alternative after giving an advice. for example, for those who like to wear fit clothing, you may say that it is more beautiful if she can wear a loose cardigan outside,etc. be creative, and dont ever advice an individual in front of other people.

next, we cant expect that people in america will be so religious because condition will not go for better now. what we can do first is save our people, right?

Terima kasih mak....

pada mgu lepas, ayah angkat(pgrm baktisiswa) telefon.masa 2 tgh kat gym. dia smpaikn berita yg mak angkat aku dah meninggal pd hari ahad. luluh jg la hati ni. walaupun dok rmh dia bbrapa hari je, tp mak ttp mak. masih terasa masakan mak yg sedap. sambal belacan yg letak ikan.jg dgn ulam2 yg ada yg aku xpenah tgk. mak agak garang, tegas, tp mngambil berat. dia nmpak tabah. masa aku pergi rmh dia, dia br baik chikugunya(betol ke aku eja?). dan dia mmg ada heart disease. tp dia lyn jg kitorg. xpe la, dr Dia kita dtg, dah smpai masa, Dia akn amik balik. peringatan untuk diri sndiri jg. smg dia drahmati sbb dah melayan tetamu dgn baik.smg aku xlupa doakn dia...

pre obese- why?

last aku timbang masa kat sekolah mnengah, berat aku 48kg.then, masa kat matrik, plng tinggi 50kg kot.tp slalunya turun balik 48-49. bila kat kuantan campus ni, masa 2nd year dah 52.then, dgn xsemena- mena, 4th year dah 60kg. what happen! skrg kalu dikira BMI aku dah msk pre- obese!


selepas dkaji, rasanya dulu lg kuat aku melantak. siap suka beli sup brlemak dari pasar malam tepi matrik dulu. sarapan mkn, tghari,ptg, n mlm.tp yg aku perasan, aku sgt cpt lapar 2 tahun kblkngn nih.aku mkn pun sbb mmg lapar, dan aku xmkn byk pun. in addition, aku agak rajin brsenam sejak 2nd year, tp time 2 jg la berat naik mndadakpernah gak try mkn oat spnjg hari time rasa lapar,tp mnjelang mlm, masih lapar, sakit perut terasa, n akhirnya diarrhea. gitu la jadi kalu aku try ubah jenis mkanan aku.jd, akhirnya mkn nasi jg la jwbnya. .tp mcm qilah ckp, sarapa n tu penting.ia bantu tingkatkan metabolism spnjg hari.jd aku try maintain mkn sarapan.

ni info ttg knpa berat blh naik walaupun tidak tingkatkan pengambilan makanan (unexplained weight gain).
1.emotional disorders-anxiety etc
2.physical disorder-eg cancer, metabolic disorder, pulmonary hpt, DM, polycystic ovarian syndromme
3.medication related-eg ramipril, steroid
(sumber: www.stresscenter.com)

takutla pulak. lebih baik naik badan sbb makan byk kan, drpda sbb pnykit. kak aku dah la pernah ada ovarian cysts dulu. tp ms 2 dia pregnant jg, mmgla weight gai. aku ni? mg Allah pelihara kesihatan aku. aku hanya blh brsenam dgn gigih je la buat masa ni...hehe.doakn

Rumet aku yg baik

tersebut kisah beradanya seorg rumet yg baik dlm bilik aku.dia ni....(ish, pelik pulak nak puji,nanti dia jugak yg akan bc). dia ni slalu keluarkan statement seprti berikut-'alah...tak baca quran lagi'-'alah, tak baca hadis lagi'-dan dialog2 yg berunsur kebaikan seperti itu.setiap kali dia brkata demikian, aku merasakan yg dia tgh menegur aku scara sedar untuk aku jg berusaha ke arah kebaikan.(atau adakah aku je yg merasakn sedemikian @ benar2 dia brmaksud?) Apa pun, terima kasih sbb mnjadi rumet yg sejati. tanpa kata2 pun(dengan hanya melihatnya) saja pun dah terasa diri ni sgt jahat dan jauh betul perangai darinya. harap2 aku pun dpt jd bgitu, dgn akhlak sj pun dah dpt bg kebaikn pd org lain...

the man in the mirror

aku tak berniat nak sekular @ mengajar benda yg tak baik.tapi aku jumpa lirik ni time browse google.lagu ni tajuknya seperti d atas,nyanyian michael jackson.aku pun xpenah dengar lagunya,tapi lirik ni mcm bgus.nak buat perubahan,kena mula dgn diri sndiri.hayati...

I'm going to make a change
For once in my life
It's gonna feel real good
Gonna make a difference, gonna make it right

As I turned up the collar on my favorite winter coat
This wind is blowin' my mind
I see the kids in the street with not enough to eat
Who am I to be blind, pretending not to see their need?

A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top
And one man's soul
They follow each other on the wind ya know?
Cause they got nowhere to go, that's why I want you to know

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change

I've been a victim of a selfish kinda love
It's time that I realize
There are some with no home, not a nickel to loan
Could it be, really mean, pretending that they're not alone?

A willow deeply scarred, somebody's broken heart
And a washed out dream
They follow the pattern of the wind ya see
Cause they got no place to be that's why I'm starting with me